whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
