I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
