sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The air was thick with penises
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
