I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
