I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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