So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
