My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
