I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
