im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
