I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
