If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
