i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Floor bacon is actually really good
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
