You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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