I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pants are for mortals
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
