You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
