Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
