I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
