I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
