thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
