the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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