Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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