He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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