hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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