Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
