So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
