So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
