from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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