I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
