On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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