he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
