Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize