i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
