I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize