I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
