Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
