Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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