just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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