So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
