Kiss
Puke
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize