I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
