I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
