walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize