Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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