How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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