Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
