She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
