grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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