i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
