TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
