Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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