You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
