Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize