my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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