I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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