i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
