his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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