Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
