i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
