hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
