So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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