i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
