If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
