I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
