We got so high we made milksteak
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
