she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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