Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
