you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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