I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
